When you stop looking, the right guy will come along?
There seems to be a divide in opinion about the right way to find “Mr. right”
So lets review.
“Just let it happen naturally, when you stop looking the right guy will come along” is one of the top opinions people in relationships like to tell me. Mind you most of these people have also been in these relationships for 5 or plus years. All right Janet You have been out of the game for some time now I appreciate the kind words but shush.
I thought about this idea of not looking, What if I am not looking and he dose come along and I don’t see him because I am not looking for him?
What dose naturally mean? Like if I were to go and ask these people how they originally met there partners, they will tell you this romantic story about how he just walked into there lives and they never expected it. I call bullshit!
Truth is they were dating and also using the dating apps and going through the same predicament I am going through right now, then they gave up! (Stopped looking as they like to put it) on there high standards those UN attainable standards we set for the perfect guy who doesn’t actually exist. That’s when they could see “the right person”. When this happens your vulnerable self is more open to finding a real life guy. A guy who has flaws but you can except them because after all your dating and getting to know your own relationship flaws, and figuring out you too are not as perfect as you would like to think (lets face it if you were why haven’t any of them stuck around) you give a real genuine guy a chance.
You stop looking for “Mr. right” and just look for someone to love and love you back.
I feel like I could say this would be the same for men with there high standards of women, how they should look or behave. I can feel it when I am on a date when I am being sized up to the imaginary perfect women. One step wrong and I shatter the illusion. I could keep this illusion up if I wanted too. They give you clues to ‘how you should act” for them. By making comments like wow I love a girl who can do this, even comments more direct like I love it when a girl dose that. Like I’m being groomed to fit this image. Maybe a lot of people decide that being that person for someone else is worth it to them? Maybe loneliness seems to daunting for some.
So if both sexes are on this rollercoaster of looking for the “right person” how do we know when we have found that person who is open to finding love with a genuine person? Are there signals we should look for? Do we put more or less effort in? when do we do this?
Dating in the year 2018 is confusing and exhausting, What if you feel that you have found this person but they were keeping up that illusion for you so they wouldn’t be lonely? This has been my personal experience also. The cracks eventually start to show and time is wasted.
So what’s the solution to this? ‘He’s just not that into you’ that movie with drew Barrymore kind of has the right idea. Be open but be honest with your self, if he isn’t putting in an effort to get to know you on a personal level. He probably just wants sex. If He only calls you late at night, if he makes excuses to avoid committing to plans, if he wants to only date in private places or indoors. This guy isn’t ready to be real.
Look for the REAL in people and don’t waste time on the illusion.